Unnamed Emotion
by M4r1-ch4n
Summary: Basch eventually realizes the name of the emotion he has been harbouring within him since the war. [Post-game]


**A/N:** So! My first contribution to the FFXII fandom. I'm a newcomer to the FF universe in general and FFXII is the third one I've played so far - and I don't remember falling so hopelessly in love with a character as I did with Balthier. I loved his voice acting, his lines and when I finished the game, I found myself enjoying the "bromance" between him and Basch. Well, this is a small piece and I hope everything is in character. I apologise in advance for any weird and/or confusing wording - I'm not a native and this more "medieval" English used in the game was even harder to write in a way that pleased me.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Final Fantasy XII.

* * *

**Unnamed Emotion**

* * *

The first time he felt that unnamed emotion, Basch had barely realised doing so; his gloved hands held a piece of parchment with an elegant, flourished scrawl he had learned to recognise quickly and that simply said "be afraid, be very afraid - for the skies are the limit for all the felonies we still intend to perpetrate". He needed no signature to identify the origin of such short note and failed horribly when he tried to cover his smile.

They lived. Basch kept smiling fondly to himself, remembering all the times the sky pirate had insisted on being 'the leading man' of the story, and thus incapable of dying. Almost a year had passed since that day aboard the Bahamut, and naturally everyone had assumed the worst when no signal from either Fran or Balthier reached them. However, there was the note - left on top of his desk with no wax seal or envelope, indicating that his old companion could not be that far away from Archades. The now Judge Magister registered the light movement of the curtains from the only window in his rooms, stepping forward until he was close enough to examine it and see the broken lock left behind.

* * *

The second time Basch found himself conquered by such a strong emotion, however, was better engraved into his memory. The judge was returning to his quarters when he immediately realised that someone had broken and entered - the door, which he always closed tightly shut, was slightly ajar and allowing the tiniest glimpse of the interior of his chambers. The soldier quickly moved his hand to the hilt of his sword and pushed the door with great strength, thus revealing his own rooms quickly and ready to fight any intruder who might have been foolish enough to bother the famed Judge Magister Gabranth.

"The lock on your door was almost as bad as the one from your window", Balthier said, comfortably seated on Basch's own chair and with both feet resting on top of his desk. Imperial paperwork, notes from the Archadian emperor himself, letters from the queen of Dalmasca and even a book of Garif poetry he had picked up from the library were all crushed under the pirate's boots, a bit of the dust and dirty from them making smudges on the clear pieces of parchment. The older man, however, failed to notice any of that, removing his hand from the sword and closing the door instead, walking briskly to his desk and enveloping Balthier in a tight hug, the angle a bit awkward for both of them but still not preventing the gesture from the former Dalmascan captain from taking place.

"You needed not break into my rooms to leave notes or see me. You should know you are always welcome, my friend," the blond soldier said with a warm smile, seeing Balthier moving but only in order to put his feet down, dragging some of the paper off the desk as he did so. Basch himself sat down on his own bed, taking the spot the closest to his old friend and seeing him smirk in that very familiar and almost nostalgic way, one hand adorned by colourful jewellery making a dismissive gesture.

"It would hardly be any fun to come invited. Besides, I hear quite the impressive tales about Judge Magister Gabranth and I was hoping to see if I could be a match for him," he replied with obvious jest and a tiny bit of malice, but his face remained calm and playful. He was obviously in good health, as far as Basch could tell, because he did not seem to have aged and still retained the sun-kissed colour of his skin that the white shirts the pirate seemed to favour enhanced so much. He leaned forward, resting his chin in one of his hands and staring quite intensely at his former companion:

"It would seem you are doing well with Larsa."

Basch inclined his head, closing his eyes for the briefest of seconds, "I am not Gabranth, but I have tried to replace him to the best of my abilities. Not only for him or his memory, but because Larsa is also a deserving person of such dedication."

The outlaw raised one eyebrow sceptically, earning a look of confusion from Basch. Balthier, however, quickly turned his expression into something different, grinning devilish at the soldier and resuming their conversation:

"So I fear you have failed to protect him from the most dangerous thing under the skies, my friend. And I do not mean the Strahl," he smiled at the ending, but the now Archadian soldier was still puzzled. He removed his gloves and opened the first button of his collar, feeling a little less constricted in the formal clothing he disliked but was nonetheless forced to wear within palace walls - at least his heavy armour was not required to be used when he was not engaged in official matters.

"I am afraid I do not follow your thoughts."

"No... It would seem you do not." Balthier, again with his smirk, but only this time it seemed that the pirate obviously knew something he did not. Basch cast aside the gloves and narrowed his eyes, inhaling deeply before setting his steady gaze on the other man.

"Tell me, Balthier. Implying that I am failing my duties holds little amusement to me."

The dark-skinned man chuckled to himself, raising both hands and showing his palms to the judge, obviously asking for clemency despite the gleam in his eyes that told Basch he was not sorry in the slightest for his riddles. Balthier then let down his hands, settling them on his leather-covered thighs and occasionally drumming that part of his body with his fingers. Such motion attracted the briefest attention from the soldier, if only because the pirate's rings kept mirroring the sunlight from outside.

"Love, my friend. Larsa is in love."

Basch could not hide his surprise at such words. His blue eyes were wide with astonishment and he was silent for a while before letting out a quiet curse in what sounded like his native tongue, eyeing Balthier as if he suspected the pirate was merely joking about it; but something in the other man's expression revealed that he was speaking the truth, or at least believed that he was doing so. The blond soldier exhaled the air he had not even realised to be holding, his blue gaze trailing the outline of the furniture of his quarters until settling back on his friend again.

"Are you certain? Larsa is... So young. No more than a boy, despite the power and the title he holds. What could he possibly know about love?"

"Perhaps more than you know, Basch, if you have failed to notice it." Balthier's words were not mean to be cruel, but the older man visibly recoiled from them; the sky pirate reclined back in his borrowed chair, folding one leg over another and looking quite pleased with himself; "Love knows no boundaries such as young age. Race, origin, religion, gender... All these things are of very little to naught importance when true love is concerned."

"You sound quite the romantic, Balthier." Basch retorted, still not amused; he knew the pirate was trying to get at something but was not making the slightest effort to be clear. And that, despite being charming sometimes, was just a plain nuisance when one was at the end of such manners, "I expected pirates to be ruthless."

"But we are! We are both things, my friend, complicated and wonderful creatures. We are fierce to oppose the law, but we do love freedom." Balthier declared almost as if he was reading from a book, a smile on the corner of his mouth and a gleam on his eye which still made Basch uneasy. The soldier breathed deeply, running a hand through his hair - and missing the time where he could wear it longer, be more of himself instead of Gabranth. He was not aware he had closed his eyes until he opened them with haste, seeing that the pirate had move to sit on the bed with him and without making the slightest sound.

"But still... How would you know he is in love? Enlighten me, if you care. You are obviously desperate to tell your tale." Basch pointed out and got an impish smirk in return, the dark-skinned man making himself comfortable on the judge's bed as he shifted his position and leaned in closer, almost as if he was about to tell him a secret - and perhaps he was.

"Are you familiar with the Archadian laws by now, Judge Gabranth?", and Balthier widened his smirk into a broad grin, but controlled it before the annoyance on his friend's expression grew even more, "I would assume so, seeing as you have been replacing Gabranth flawlessly. But are you knowledgeable when it comes to the regulations pertaining to the imperial marriage?"

The silence was enough to allow a smirk again, but Basch could feel his patience wearing thin despite the tiniest flicker of curiosity. "No."

"The rules are, as they are for everything else, bureaucratic and terribly complicated... Not to mention restrictive. An Archadian emperor may only choose his consort from a noble family, or someone who holds a noble title." And when the soldier became rather impressed with Balthier's knowledge of the law, he reminded himself that he had been a judge before, even if for a short time; and he was indeed a very intelligent man.

"So do the math, my friend. The news surely have reached Archades by now? There is word of two people being knighted in Dalmasca for their brave efforts during the war and for the immense aid they provided in order to bring peace back. And once they have a title, this restriction is no longer a hindrance for..."

"Penelo. Penelo and Vaan. By the gods, Balthier." Basch blinked one, two - several times before being actually able to focus on the pirate again, too dumbfounded to say anything else for the moment. Balthier obviously rejoiced at the reaction he extracted from the well-known stoic judge, but remained silent and closely watching his friend's expression until he parted his lips and tried to form coherent words again, "But how... No, it does not make much sense. Larsa could have done that himself. Queen Ashelia is merely repaying her debt, as she must have offered to do with you and Fran as well, no doubt." Basch imagined the duo had also been offered the title, the only one left out being himself - but he couldn't really accept one, since he had stepped into his late brother's role and buried his identity as Basch fon Ronsenburg.

"She has. And I kindly told her to shove it." Even Basch had to grin at that, simply because he could truly see Balthier getting annoyed at the mere suggestion of becoming something noble and decent. The soldier ended up chuckling, but eventually sobered up again, "So I take it that the children are changing their careers? I was told they were promising in your field of business."

"They are. But with the title, I expect them to work under the Queen's orders. It is not unheard of, this kind of employment... But it is considerably more restrictive and lawful." The younger man almost spat the last word as if it burned him, Basch smiling again at that. He sighed, but shook his head in an affirmative way. Perhaps Vaan and Penelo wanted to stay closer to home... He remembered a good number of children, orphans, living in Lowtown and looking up to Vaan - he could have matured enough to be responsible to look after them, now.

"And getting back to your previous point: no, Larsa could not have mastered this issue. Knighting someone in Archadia is rare, almost impossible because it requires the universal consent of both the Imperial Senate and the Judges. And, as you may imagine, there are one or two people among them who were fierce supporters of Vayne and who would not take well to the idea of Larsa knighting individuals who took part in his demise."

Silence filled the room again, allowing Basch to think over what the pirate had just said and feeling the need to check the rules to confirm such facts later; but he was also sure that Balthier knew of what he was speaking, regardless of his past as a judge. The younger man suddenly moved, almost startling Basch from his thoughts - but he merely stood up and brushed invisible dust from his clothes, winking at the judge.

"I'd best take my leave. There are treasures to be ravished and skies to be defiled." The soldier could swear Balthier was speaking of another matter entirely, but said nothing of it, merely smiling to his friend. His head was so visibly occupied with the earlier revelations from the pirate that Basch did not even stand up to bid farewell to his old companion. That, however, was quickly remedied by the younger man, who suddenly leaned forward and raised Basch's chin with one steady, warm hand, looking straight into slightly confused blue eyes.

"And while I am gone, do try and realise that you no longer have to do penance for whatever sins you believe to have committed, Basch. The only reason you do not see such obvious love... Is because you think you deserve none yourself." And, by the time the pirate had left with one elegant gesture of hand and a Rozarrian greeting, blue eyes had gone from confused to simply astonished.

* * *

The third time happened in Bhujerba, but Basch had been afraid to give a name to such emotion because of all the alcohol he had ingested already, fearing it was merely the work of the drinks. Since the occasion when Balthier indicated that Larsa had been making plans to officially propose to Penelo sometime in the future, the sky pirate's visits to Archadia had grown more frequent. The judge magister was not able to ascertain if his presence there had something to do with the possible imperial engagement or other matters entirely; but they had grown quite close nonetheless - and that proximity was precisely the reason that made their reunion in Bhujerba possible.

"I must confess myself surprised. You still do know how to drink like the worst foot soldier," Balthier spoke with a drawl, a glass of the Ivalice-renowned madhu on his hands. He had been playing with the Bhujerban drink, twirling the dark liquor inside, dipping his index finger to taste it on his tongue or simply running his digits across the rim of the glass, seeming to do so absentmindedly as they talked. Basch, at first, had no idea why he had spent a good portion of their evening watching such motions.

"Old habits die hard, pirate," he smiled in return, the gesture coming much easier now he had had a few glasses of the local famed drink. Basch had always been a man who measured his words and was known for not saying anything beyond the necessary, but alcohol tended to loose his tongue and smiles. Balthier had pointed that out when they went for drinks in Archadia before, and even Fran agreed (despite the fact that Hume beverages seemed to have little to no effect on her). However, he still felt uncomfortable to be seen around the capital drinking and associating with a well-known pair of outlaws, despite the clemency Larsa showed towards them - and that was when the sky pirate decided a little vacation was in order.

Given his features, Basch felt he would be too easily recognisable in Rabanastre; so they settled for the sky city, a pleasant town with small cafés and bars where they could grab a table and talk without being disturbed or observed. The city had changed very little from the last time the former knight had been there - the mines had been opened again, after being cleared of the dangerous foes which had been inhabiting them, and it seemed to be prospering, even without the obscure magicite business from the war.

"Judge Magister Gabranth, must I remind you, again, that you are on a long overdue vacation? Stop thinking so much, old man," the pirate chastised him with an amused smirk, earning a little smile from the blond judge in return, "Aye. I was merely remembering that antlion hunt. Nasty beast."

"I thought to have Vaan thrown out the city limits for that little hunt of theirs." Balthier snarled, earning a small but genuine laugh from his former companion. But even before Basch could say anything, the younger man lifted his free hand up, palm forward, as if making an apology, "One does not die from the fall. You do remember the fallen Bhujerban at Phon? He just lost his memory." And the curious thing about the outlaw's speech is that the judge believed him; well, Balthier certainly detested to be dragged into other people's trouble, despite how troublesome he could be for his friends.

"You talk as if you were the one hit with Disable." Basch complained quietly, but not without a grin; it was not as bad as being inflicted with Stop, but still irksome during battles. He had made a point of wearing black belts after that, and was also eternally grateful to Fran, who eventually cast Esuna on him, "I'd rather have been poisoned."

Balthier's eyes narrowed as he sipped the madhu, putting the glass down and smirking with the corner of his mouth, "Well, it is not so bad. A matter of perspective, perhaps... After all, there are good things that may happen to you, should you find yourself unable to move... But with the proper company and at a proper place."

The judge was glad that he had not been drinking when the pirate made that remark; otherwise, he feared he could have made an even bigger fool of himself when he coughed. His cheeks flushed hotly and he took a while to regain his breath, time Balthier spent with the same irritating smile on his face and drinking down the last of his madhu before ordering another shot. He handed a handkerchief to the ex-knight with an amused glance, Basch accepting it in order to remove the cold sweat which had been formed on his face.

What was happening with him?

"The things you say, Balthier..."

"Tend to be quite true."

A glare.

"Well... I did tell you about Larsa's feelings, did I not? And I have noticed that now both Penelo and Vaan are working for our beloved Queen Ashelia, not without a great deal of profit... And also with quite regular flights to Archadia."

"But that holds no connection with what you just..."

"You, my friend, obviously forgot the very precious advice I offered you when I met you at the palace." Despite the playful tone Balthier's words carried, there was a different gleam in his eyes. Basch could not quite attribute that to the alcohol or the dim lights of the bar alone, nor could he place it on anything else he knew, "You have duties to yourself as well, Basch. As I said... Restraint can only be pleasurable under the right circumstances."

"I think..."

Balthier suddenly reached forward, placing his hand over Basch's and applying pressure there - enough to make the ex-knight silent and attract his attention. The pirate did not talk at first, quietly staring at his former companion with such intensity that the blond man felt his cheeks burning, almost tempted to recoil and withdraw his hand - but no such option existed.

"Do not think, Basch. Feel," he eventually said in a no more than a whisper, but still oddly audible to the judge. It was then he realised he was already feeling... He just had been too occupied thinking, following, obeying - replacing - to actually pay attention to it.

* * *

The fourth time, as the Gods willed, happened in Balfonheim. Basch was afraid to label the intense constriction he could feel within him, not unlike a desperate need to breathe when one found himself forcefully submerged into deep water. It was a good thing that his presence there was not official, otherwise he did not think he could deal with the weight and the oppressing insides of his judge magister armour. The sea breeze, usually soothing to sailors and port residents alike, did little to ease the knot in his stomach and the cold sweat on his hands.

He would not name this feeling - not the obvious desperation, the overwhelming worry or the crippling regret, but rather something underneath it all and just as strong. He could not bear the company of anyone else, no matter how understanding and sympathetic they were, and thus sat quietly by himself in a rented room close to the aerodrome - where the Strahl could be found and where Balthier was being tended to by Fran, injured after a serious encounter with a wild and unknown beast at the Cerobi Steppe.

It was unusual for the pair of sky pirates to engage in hunts as they had done with Vaan in the past; but according to the little information surrounding the episode that the ex-knight was able to gather, the prize for such hunt was a treasure long desired by Balthier. An amulet of some sorts, said to provide protection from all natural phenomena - and the younger man had a theory about wearing it and piloting the ship at the same time, wondering if it would extend to the Strahl and thus allow it safer flights to more turbulent places. However, it turned out to be a trap - despite royal clemency from both Dalmasca and Archadia, it seemed that the pirate was still a target for a few people, so the beast which greeted the duo at the steppes was much more dangerous than the bill posted advised and even the viera's extensive knowledge of the fauna of Ivalice could not find a name for it.

The creature was eventually slain with the aid of other hunters and warriors recruited in a hurry in Balfonheim; but the damage had already been done. Balthier had been severely injured in the battle, a deep, long gash covering his left arm. It should have been able to heal quickly with magicks, but none of the curative spells worked - and the claws of the beast seemed to have inflicted a distinct kind of poison as well, for the outlaw was delirious and feverish for a long while. It was at this point that news from his state reached the judge - and he had learned that the only word uttered by his former companion and which made any sense was his name.

Larsa generously understood the matter and granted the judge magister his leave; Basch was quick to grab strictly the necessary and then use a gate crystal, for he did not feel as if he had the time to travel to the harbour city by ship. He inquired as to Balthier's whereabouts and was directed to the aerodrome, but could not see the man right away - the moogles insisted Fran was trying something different and that she needed to be alone for now. Licking dry lips, Basch nodded, found himself a room nearby... And waited.

"Basch?"

The sound came in a familiar voice after two soft knocks on wood, immediately putting the judge magister into action. He roused from the chair near the window where he had spent his previous hours and opened the door, finding Penelo's face laced with both worry and warmth at the sight of her former travelling companion, "Fran sent me. He is... Awake, at last. And calling for you."

The blond man nodded, exiting his room and locking it behind him as he followed the girl's quick steps towards the aerodrome. He kept his gaze ahead, but he could feel the glances the girl often directed at him, probably born out of worry for his well-being or Balthier's. He felt he should have talked to her - asked about her adventures with Vaan under Ashelia's orders, inquired as to whether she was receiving all the letters he watched Larsa write to her... But he could not bring himself to say anything; not yet.

Thankfully the aerodrome was close, so the walk was short and he was quickly guided towards the familiar ship. He nodded at Vaan, who was hanging around on the ground, and climbed the stairs. Inside, it was the viera who greeted him, her appearance serene and composed as it had always been, save for very few occasions where the mist had induced less than desirable consequences. "He is in his bed. I cannot say how long he will stay conscious, so I would advise you to..."

"No need to worry, Fran. I have done much thinking before coming here. I will be quick."

She smiled at him - so rare the sight, a smile from a viera. Her lips were only slightly curved upwards and she nodded, long ears flickering before she gracefully made her way out. Basch inhaled, his stomach tied in knots which seemed only to tighten up as he entered Balthier's quarters inside the ship, by far the more spacious one inside the Strahl. However, once inside, Basch could not help but feel oppressed by the surroundings, once so familiar that he saw it as home when travelling all over Ivalice; his blue eyes dropped to the bunk bed, finding the sky pirate lying there, stripped from his ornate clothing and covered by white sheets up to the middle of his torso. One arm laid still, over the blanket and probably scarred for the rest of the young man's life with a long, thin cut.

"It seems I have lost my ability to detect your presence without the insufferable clanking of your armour, judge magister."

The ex-knight startled, raising his gaze from the wound to the sky pirate's face. He found the faintest of the smiles there, Balthier's half-lidded eyes staring at him. He promptly walked towards the bed, kneeling on the floor and making sure he was not pressuring the other man's with his weight when he put a hand against his forehead, feeling the soft strands of brown hair that had grown quite longer since the last time he saw the outlaw.

"How are you faring?"

"I do recall better days," he replied in his usual fashion. The judge noted that despite the painfully obvious exhaustion, Balthier did not seem taken by any fever or other troublesome condition. He was weak, but whatever Fran tried with her partner, seemed to have worked well, "What is your excuse for looking so forlorn? Your pride has not been hurt as badly as mine, I presume."

Despite everything, Basch found himself smiling at the other man's words. His hand, rough from too much sword-handling, carefully slid from forehead to cheek, feeling the alarming hollowness there and hoping that the worst had passed, "I have been looking after a teenager who is supposedly in love, as someone kindly warned me about. It is quite the draining task," he replied easily, smiling when he noticed a flicker of amusement crossing the sky pirate's eyes. Basch's fingers were still touching the skin of the other man's face, feeling the warmth there and incapable of pulling away.

"So I have heard. Vaan has been complaining even more than usual now Penelo apparently sighs every time she receives a letter with Archadian seal."

"Perhaps I should humour Vaan even further and send her a sealed letter myself, instead of Larsa."

"By the Gods... Is this a joke I hear? Or perhaps the poison is still toying with my senses and is now affecting my hearing." The younger man smiled, the gesture still weak but the gleam in his eyes was as strong as ever; he was clearly amused by the idea of Basch purposefully doing something like that, tricking sweet Penelo of all people.

"Do you not think me able to jest?"

"It did seem rather incompatible with your unwavering sense of duty, but I stand corrected."

"Indeed. You once also implied that I was not able to see or feel the obvious, but I have finally come to realise such feelings on my own. Apparently, you are very keen on pointing out all my flaws and correcting them." Balthier's expression changed then, his eyes widening softly and mouth returning to a line, as if he was taken by surprise. But the former knight did not stop, smiling at him and adding, "How very like a judge."

"You seem quite the pirate at the moment, running away from duty at your first chance..." The reply was neutral, but Basch was able to read between the lines; he could detect the hidden gratitude for his presence, something the pirate was unable to voice because of his pride. But there was also more - perhaps an admission of how they could truly resemble each other.

"I do, I suppose. Running away from duty and chasing treasure... Do you think you could afford room for one more in the Strahl?" He joked, of course, about the part of rooming with Balthier and Fran in the airship, but the first part of his sentence was true. The sky pirate seemed to realise that as well and, being so close to him, the judge magister was able to feel the way he suddenly drew in a deep breath and shivered. Basch, at least, was comforted by the thought that he was not stammering or blushing like a maiden; he had lost count of how many times that moment had been played in his mind, but now came the tricky part - Balthier's reaction.

The darker-haired man did not speak, instead raising one arm slowly, using the one which had not been damaged in battle. Basch instinctively moved closer when he sensed his intention, fingers brushing softly against his face which no longer sported his beard or longer hair. They went up, going along his left eye and touching the scar which marred his flesh right above it, tracing it almost timidly.

"You are not entirely without hope, Basch fon Ronsenburg." Balthier grinned, hand going down as he did so and then touching his strong cheekbones then travelling south to his lips, pausing there and resting two fingers on his mouth as if he intended to silence the older man, "I only regret that your first act of piracy ended up with such damaged treasure."

"Damaged?" As the blond man spoke, lips brushed against fingers in soft caresses, his own free hand moving to capture Belthier's into his, laying them on the bed with caution and care, "I am yet to find more precious treasure in all of Ivalice, Balthier."

"You clearly lack a mirror in your quarters."

"I have no need for one." And with that, Basch lowered himself, all the while careful not to harm the outlaw's fragile body. He pressed his lips against soft, slightly dry ones, but unmistakably hungry for his kiss. He allowed the contact to grow deeper, slowly advancing and tasting Balthier, but eventually pulling away for fear of causing too much discomfort to him.

"How do you feel?" The question had been, funnily enough, asked by Balthier. The former knight had to smile at that, chuckling softly as he caressed the face of his old companion, inching closer and whispering his answer against half-curved lips:

"Complete."

The overwhelming constriction from earlier had been reshaped into a delightful contentment, a wonderful kind of satisfaction and affection. And Basch knew, instantly, that only one feeling could have so many faces and present so many symptoms - love.

**THE END**


End file.
